How God Can Use Clumsiness...and Butter: Days 1 and 2 in North Carolina

What a weekend! What a mighty God we serve! This is how God is moving this week in my life. I am in Kill Devil Hills, NC for vacation this week...and it is absolutely amazing!

On Saturday, we left home around 7:30 a.m., gassed up and then met Frances at the church at 8 a.m. to hit the road. I had called Kent and Peggy on Friday night and let them know we were heading out on Saturday morning, and I told them I’d call Saturday evening when we got here. So, we made the trek down and did okay - even going through the Hampton Roads tunnel! The scenery is beautiful, and I still remain amazed that people can look out at it all, and still not believe in God.

So, we arrived at our destination about 1:45 p.m. and unloaded. We are on the second floor, so thank God there is an elevator, and a rolly-thing to help us bring the stuff upstairs. Once we got here and unloaded, we headed to Southern Shores and picked up shells, and rode on the beach in the 4X4. Once that was done, we headed to the Western Sizzlin’ to have dinner. I know how clumsy I am, and so do many people - and I never thought it would be something God would use. BUT - I know God can use anything for His glory, and I imagine He got quite a chuckle out of this. We sat in the corner and there was a lady sitting at the table next to us, by herself. We had chatted briefly about something…I decided that I wanted one of those awesome yeast rolls with butter and so I proceeded to open the pat of butter, scrape the butter out with my knife, and promptly shot that empty container sideways with my knife and almost hit the lady next to us! She laughed, we laughed, and we proceeded to talk. She told us her name was Janet and she ended up inviting us to her church - Outer Banks Baptist Church - for Sunday morning services.

Meanwhile, I was supposed to call my aunt and uncle and let them know we were here, which I failed to do. BUT - God is great and He orchestrated way in advance the events that left us speechless and in tears. We got up Sunday morning and drove over to Outer Banks Baptist Church - which ended up being right across the street from us. We went in and immediately saw Janet who hugged us and welcomed us there! So did everyone else that we ran into. This was truly a Spirit filled church. Janet began telling everyone how she had asked us to come to church the day before. We settled in and I went to the bathroom - we had joked about that wouldn’t it be funny if we ended up at my uncle’s church? Well, I came back into the sanctuary and I noticed that my mom and Frances were laughing about something and didn’t tell me what it was. I was thinking I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe or something. So, I sat down (in the back row - some habits continue no matter where you go to church) and began looking over the bulletin. When I got to the prayer list, I read down and there it was - Darrell Morris, Health (Kent’s brother). This was my uncle’s church! And God lead us there! I ran out to find Janet and tell her that this was the church that my uncle attended! And there was my aunt, coming in the door! She was as surprised as we were, and she said that she was hoping that I would have called the night before because they were going to invite us to come to their church. But God took care of it for us. We moved up front and sat with them.

We chatted after church, and Janet told me that the day before, when we met her at the Western Sizzlin’, had been the 1 year anniversary of her father’s death. She also told us that she had been so down that day we met her that she had decided to go out to eat by herself. She said she heard us talking about going to church and she prayed for the Holy Spirit to give her the boldness to ask us to come to her church. She laughed and said that the butter pat took care of that! After the service (which was absolutely amazing) we talked with many people, and when they found out that it was my dad that just passed away, they told me that they had prayed together every Tuesday night, on their knees and in tears, for my dad. They told me that they had prayed for his health and for the condition of his soul. There were so many tears in that church before, during and after that service! But they were not tears of sorrow or of hurt, but tears of love and thankfulness for brothers and sisters in the Lord that we may have only met that day, but are connected to us by the blood of Jesus Christ.

After church, we went to my aunt and uncle’s house for lunch - what a beautiful home! So much like them. My uncle has built a crows nest on top of the house and you can see for miles from up there. He has an excitement for his relationship with the Lord that I envy - it only makes me want to get closer to my Jesus. Knowing him before and knowing him now…I can’t even explain it. Hearing him say the blessing made me have goose bumps. We had a nice lunch and then talked for awhile. He talked about not being able to get there before my dad died, and he said within minutes of getting the news, he had his church praying for all of us. The thing that I continue to think about is his zeal for his Savior. He is so excited about Jesus that he can’t stop talking about it! And the gentleness of Jesus shows through in everything he does. That evening, we went back to the church for Bible study and they invited us to sing. So Frances and I sang a couple of songs. The Bible study was absolutely amazing - Exodus 12, The Passover. The pastor made points that in my lowly heart had never been connected before. After the service, again there were conversations and tears, and I could try, like I have been trying, to write it down, but the power of God in these circumstances cannot be explained in words. It really was one of those situations where you had to be there. I was there, and I know my heart will forever be different from the walking testimonies in that church.

Tonight, Janet came over for dinner, along with my aunt and uncle, and we had a wonderful time in the Lord! Praying together, discussing the Word, knowing we are not the people we once were, and it’s all because of the grace of God. Everyone was on the alert when they passed the butter to me, though! Some of us were strangers two days ago, but even though we had never met, we were still brothers and sisters in the Lord. How I felt when I walked into Outer Banks Baptist Church is how I should feel anytime I walk into the body of Christ.

It’s only Monday…and I’m already changed. I guess that’s how it is throughout life…He’s always working to make us more like Him.

Don't Sink!

In the past three weeks, I have felt a lot of emotions.

The week that my dad died, I hurt, then I almost felt numb. But I know that God knows what we are getting ready to face, and He allows us to face it with His strength and not our own.

As I sit here now and reflect over the past three weeks, I can identify some of my feelings. I have felt loss, grief, anger, and selfishness. I have wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from everything, and I have wanted to push away anyone and everyone that cares about me. And I have lost the strength to reach out to them when I might need them...I have just come home each day from work, and I have gone to sleep. I think it's because of a lot of things - being tired from everything that has happened over the past few weeks, and being a little depressed. Sleeping is the hole I crawl into so I don't have to think about things.

I wondered if there was anyone who understands how I feel - people say things to me and I know they mean well, but words seem to run together and some of the things my Christian friends and family say even almost make me feel guilty for missing my dad and grieving like I should.

There is someone who knows how I feel. God led me to the passage In John 11 - Jesus had arrived after the death of His friend, Lazarus. Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but He still wept over the situation. Jesus showed grief over the loss of His friend. I know that when my heart hurts, my Jesus hurts with me. I know when I grieve, my Jesus grieves with me. And I know when I cry, my Jesus cries with me. I believe Jesus wept at this occasion for many reasons - He knew Lazarus was in Heaven and He was going to bring him from that paradise we all long for back to earth, but I know there was a purpose in it. I believe Jesus wept over the people's unbelief.

I believe that Jesus has wept over my unbelief - see, I think there is normal grieving, but I think it can easily move over a thin line and cause us to sin. The Lord also led me to another passage today to show me where my faith needs to be now. A friend had emailed me about her own father's death and she said she was having trouble leaving the house and dealing with people. It reminded me of me wanting to come home and hide, to stay home and hide, to push away the very ones that will continue to point me to Him. And I thought of Matthew 14 - Jesus Walks on the Water. The disciples were in the boat - and Jesus was walking towards them on the water. They were all afraid, but Peter cried out to Jesus to tell him to come to Him on the water. Peter took a leap of faith and stepped out of the boat. When did he sink? When he took his eyes off of Jesus.

I look at this time I am in now as being in that boat - Jesus is walking toward me and I am so afraid to step out toward Him. I want to go, but I am scared. My boat now seems to be my own sorrow and grief - I feel strong when my eyes are on Jesus. But despair has a tendency to take over, and it clouds my vision, and I begin to sink, just like Peter did.

I believe that grief and sorrow are a part of life - but I also think that if we take our eyes off of Jesus when these things surround us, our despair can easily turn into sin. In my despair, I don't believe that He can carry my burdens and heal my broken heart - I show this in not trusting Him and not continuing the work He has called me to do. Satan knows our weaknesses, and he will catch us at our lowest point and hit us with the things he knows will hurt us the most. We can crawl into that boat, cover up with something, and float as life passes us by; or, we can step up, look and see Him reaching out His hand to hold us up, and make that step of faith, keeping our eyes on Him and not looking down into our despair.

What is the key to all of this? FAITH! And not faith in others or ourselves, but faith in the Creator of the Universe, the one and only true God, who loved us enough to send His Son to die for our sins...the God who continually loves us even when our faith is weak and we sink in despair.

He is holding out His hand...and I can see it now.

Trust and Obey

Russell Lee Morris

3/31/1941 - 2/25/2009

A lot has happened since my last posting...and I sat down here tonight to write something so profound...but words are few tonight...so here's what's on my mind.

My dad went to Heaven on February 25th...my dad passed away on February 25th...my dad died on February 25th.

I believe my dad is in Heaven. I believe that I believe in the true God of the universe, that He sent His Son Jesus to die on the Cross for my sins, and through His death and resurrection, He defeated sin and death and now sits at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. I believe that Jesus is the only way to Heaven. I won't apologize for it or "soften" it for fear of offending someone. I know what I believe, and Who I believe in. He is the Lord of my life.

I know that the grace of God has carried me through the death of my dad so far, and it will continue to carry me as I deal each day with this loss. I know that he is in Heaven, and I know that he has a new body and he is not suffering anymore.

But I still miss him.

I love you, Daddy.