Don't Sink!

In the past three weeks, I have felt a lot of emotions.

The week that my dad died, I hurt, then I almost felt numb. But I know that God knows what we are getting ready to face, and He allows us to face it with His strength and not our own.

As I sit here now and reflect over the past three weeks, I can identify some of my feelings. I have felt loss, grief, anger, and selfishness. I have wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from everything, and I have wanted to push away anyone and everyone that cares about me. And I have lost the strength to reach out to them when I might need them...I have just come home each day from work, and I have gone to sleep. I think it's because of a lot of things - being tired from everything that has happened over the past few weeks, and being a little depressed. Sleeping is the hole I crawl into so I don't have to think about things.

I wondered if there was anyone who understands how I feel - people say things to me and I know they mean well, but words seem to run together and some of the things my Christian friends and family say even almost make me feel guilty for missing my dad and grieving like I should.

There is someone who knows how I feel. God led me to the passage In John 11 - Jesus had arrived after the death of His friend, Lazarus. Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but He still wept over the situation. Jesus showed grief over the loss of His friend. I know that when my heart hurts, my Jesus hurts with me. I know when I grieve, my Jesus grieves with me. And I know when I cry, my Jesus cries with me. I believe Jesus wept at this occasion for many reasons - He knew Lazarus was in Heaven and He was going to bring him from that paradise we all long for back to earth, but I know there was a purpose in it. I believe Jesus wept over the people's unbelief.

I believe that Jesus has wept over my unbelief - see, I think there is normal grieving, but I think it can easily move over a thin line and cause us to sin. The Lord also led me to another passage today to show me where my faith needs to be now. A friend had emailed me about her own father's death and she said she was having trouble leaving the house and dealing with people. It reminded me of me wanting to come home and hide, to stay home and hide, to push away the very ones that will continue to point me to Him. And I thought of Matthew 14 - Jesus Walks on the Water. The disciples were in the boat - and Jesus was walking towards them on the water. They were all afraid, but Peter cried out to Jesus to tell him to come to Him on the water. Peter took a leap of faith and stepped out of the boat. When did he sink? When he took his eyes off of Jesus.

I look at this time I am in now as being in that boat - Jesus is walking toward me and I am so afraid to step out toward Him. I want to go, but I am scared. My boat now seems to be my own sorrow and grief - I feel strong when my eyes are on Jesus. But despair has a tendency to take over, and it clouds my vision, and I begin to sink, just like Peter did.

I believe that grief and sorrow are a part of life - but I also think that if we take our eyes off of Jesus when these things surround us, our despair can easily turn into sin. In my despair, I don't believe that He can carry my burdens and heal my broken heart - I show this in not trusting Him and not continuing the work He has called me to do. Satan knows our weaknesses, and he will catch us at our lowest point and hit us with the things he knows will hurt us the most. We can crawl into that boat, cover up with something, and float as life passes us by; or, we can step up, look and see Him reaching out His hand to hold us up, and make that step of faith, keeping our eyes on Him and not looking down into our despair.

What is the key to all of this? FAITH! And not faith in others or ourselves, but faith in the Creator of the Universe, the one and only true God, who loved us enough to send His Son to die for our sins...the God who continually loves us even when our faith is weak and we sink in despair.

He is holding out His hand...and I can see it now.

Trust and Obey

Russell Lee Morris

3/31/1941 - 2/25/2009

A lot has happened since my last posting...and I sat down here tonight to write something so profound...but words are few tonight...so here's what's on my mind.

My dad went to Heaven on February 25th...my dad passed away on February 25th...my dad died on February 25th.

I believe my dad is in Heaven. I believe that I believe in the true God of the universe, that He sent His Son Jesus to die on the Cross for my sins, and through His death and resurrection, He defeated sin and death and now sits at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. I believe that Jesus is the only way to Heaven. I won't apologize for it or "soften" it for fear of offending someone. I know what I believe, and Who I believe in. He is the Lord of my life.

I know that the grace of God has carried me through the death of my dad so far, and it will continue to carry me as I deal each day with this loss. I know that he is in Heaven, and I know that he has a new body and he is not suffering anymore.

But I still miss him.

I love you, Daddy.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

I've been overwhelmed by the commercials and the marketing of Valentine's Day, all in the name of "love"...to me it looks a lot like the world's definition of love.

I think on this day that everyone is focused on love, we should look at the true meaning of love:

John 3:16-17: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

Joh 13:34-35: A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Joh 15:12-13: This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

And Paul's beautiful writing concerning charity/love:

1Co 13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
1Co 13:2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
1Co 13:3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
1Co 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
1Co 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
1Co 13:6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
1Co 13:7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
1Co 13:8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
1Co 13:9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
1Co 13:10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
1Co 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1Co 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
1Co 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

I'm preaching to the choir everytime I write...God uses these lessons to convict my heart...the past couple of weeks, I have had some negative feelings in my heart. But God used the prophet Jeremiah to show us the true nature of our hearts:

Jer 17:9-10 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

And as I have learned before and the Lord will keep reminding me...our words and promises are often empty. Only His Word stands strong and true. Instead of talking about it, we need to live it. I need to live it.

And the only way to love anyone at all is to move out of the way and let Jesus love them through us. We can't do it - only He can.

Happy Valentine's Day, to all of you! Let His Love shine through and change your heart. It's a process, but God's plan is to make each of us more like His Son. Open your heart and let Him in...let Him change it so that the world only sees Him.