My Atheist friend vs. my Christian friend

So I already know that I'm gonna get blasted for this, but this blog is called What's On My Mind, and this has been on my mind for several weeks.

Now, before I start, I know the fundamental difference between my two friends based on my beliefs as a Christian. Belief in Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven. God's Word is true from In the beginning to Amen. But I want this to make a point about how, as Christians, we don't show the true Jesus, and we will be accountable one day to Him for our actions. And if we as Christians don't show the true Jesus, how will the world really know Who He is?

I have two friends (well, I have more, but I am using these two today to make my point): friend A is a Christian. Friend B is an atheist. Let me tell you about them in relation to my recent illness, without being too specific as I don't want to reveal names and such...just how I felt related to what my friends profess.

Friend A was sporadic with texts, visits and support during my hospital stay. There were several things that Friend A did during this time that I thank them for, but felt like they did out of obligation rather than true concern or care. Once I was home, the texts remained few and sporadic. One text even said how important our friendship was. But I called this person (they didn't answer), in tears, left messages and texts saying how much I needed someone to talk to and how depressed I was. Two days later I got a text stating "Hope you found someone to talk to". Friend A lives 5 miles from me and in the 10 weeks I was out of commission, I got a 10 minute visit to drop off something. Every time I asked (and I hated to ask) them to come visit, I got "I'll catch up with you soon". Soon has never come.

Friend B was at the hospital with me several days for several hours, waiting on me and my mom hand and foot. Friend B kept in touch with me daily when they were working through phone calls, texts and Facebook. When they weren't working, they came and spent time with me, allowing me to talk, to cry, and to share the God portions of my experience. This is a person who doesn't even believe in God, but they listened. Friend B is an amazing person with a huge heart and does amazing things for the people that they care about. They freely say I love you, and love without boundaries.

Friend A told me on multiple occasions that I didn't have enough faith, and when I quit my job on faith because I clearly heard God speak, looked at me and said, "Are you crazy? You got fired, didn't you?".

Friend B once told me that I was one of the few Christians that they would listen to because I am honest about who I am in my faith, and I am not a hypocrite.

Friend A often treats me like I am headed to Hell in a handbasket because I'm not perfect.

Friend B loves me because I'm not perfect and don't try to act like I am.

So you see why this is on my mind? Fortunately, I chose to talk to Jesus about my depression and sadness during my illness. But as the Church, we are supposed to support each other, lift each other up, and encourage each other. And as the Church, we are supposed to show Jesus to the world. If we are too busy judging them, how can we show them Jesus?

This has been repeated to me many times over the past few months in many ways and in many messages: Jesus came to Earth the first time as Saviour; He will come back as Judge. In the meantime, as Christians, we should be showing the Saviour to people, not acting as judge. Jesus hung out with whores, drunks, thieves, the "undesirables" so to speak. When questioned, He said it was the sick that needed a doctor, not the healthy.

When did we as Christians decide to go ahead and start judging for Jesus, and keeping record? What are we gonna do, hand Him a notebook when He returns and say "Just FYI, here's what all these 'sinners' have been up to while you were gone."?

No, when Jesus returns as judge, I will not be concerned about the "sinners". I will be face to face with my Saviour, and I will have my own life to account for. I will be in complete awe and reverence. I won't be pointing the finger at my neighbor saying, "Yeah, well wait till you hear what she did...".

I ramble, I know...but it hurts my heart to know that I have been friend A at times in my life. Professing Christ and having no love for anyone, only judgement.

How can the world see Jesus in us if we are acting like the world? If we don't care about each other? If we are too busy to care?

I know I've learned a lot during this time, and I want to care about people, regardless of their situation. Cause that's what Jesus did.

And that's what's on my mind today.

Well, Hey Clyde!

The last posting left us at the hospital with me heading back to my room. I have to admit, once I woke up, I don't remember a whole lot else about that day or night. I have been told that I said some pretty funny things, though.

One thing that I do remember is that as they were rolling me back into my room, I looked up and saw my associate pastor, Clyde, standing there. My mom told me that I waved at him and said, "Well, hey Clyde!" and Clyde said, "Well, she knows who I am, so she's okay".

It's amazing to me that I don't remember a lot of things about the hospital after surgery. Maybe it was the meds they had me on...maybe it was just so much going on that I couldn't process it all...but maybe it was God's amazing grace that allowed me to rest not only my body but my mind those few days.

It makes me think about my past and my sin, and how Jesus sees those things. I heard a story once about a nun who told a priest that Jesus spoke to her, audibly, as if in a conversation. Of course, the priest did not believe her and told her that the next time Jesus spoke to her, to ask Him one question. The priest said to her, "Ask Jesus what sins I confessed in my last confession". She told the priest that she would.

The next day, she came back to the priest and told him that she had spoken with Jesus again. The priest, still doubting, said to her,"Did you ask Jesus was sins I confessed?" She said, "Yes, I did". The priest said, "And what did He say?" The nun looked at the priest warmly, smiled, and said, "He said 'I can't remember'."

Sweet forgiveness...Jesus doesn't remember our sins once we are forgiven. He doesn't remember our past before we came to Him.

But we're not that way with each other, are we? Just like my mom and my friends had to remind me of the things I said and did in the hospital, we can take this to a different level in our Christian lives. We want to measure our sin against other people's sin...we want to remind each other how bad we are...we want to hold people in the past...

The things that Jesus doesn't remember, we don't want to let people forget. Why? To make us feel better about ourselves. I am struggling right now with someone who insists on reminding me of everything that I have ever done wrong. And every time I think we are okay and we've settled things between us, he shows up and dredges it all up again. Every time I think I can trust him again, he shows up and proves that I can't. I personally don't have time for that kind of drama in my life - it reminds me of the Pharisees.

I choose to live in the mercy and grace of Jesus, whose death on the cross covered all my sins. If mercy and grace don't exist, then neither does Jesus. The Gospel is the mercy and grace of a loving God who sacrificed His only Son for a world that didn't deserve it. Not letting each other out of our past and our sin just cheapens that grace.

It's just what's on my mind today.

Where Do I Start?

This picture was taken by a friend of mine at probably my favorite place on Earth, Camp Little Crossroads (aka Crossroads Camp and Conference Center; I prefer to remain old school LOL). One thing that always calms me is water - whether it's at Crossroads, or sitting by the Rockfish River, or being overwhelmed by the vastness of the ocean and it's waves. No matter where I am watching the water, one thing is for sure. Each wave brings something new.


My life this year has been like the waves in the water - each moment is bringing something new, something uncertain. As I mentioned in my last post, we have dealt with many deaths in my family this year, which brings about a special kind of grief - the loss of someone we love. Death also brings about changes - our loved ones being gone change things, like where we might live, where we celebrate holidays, who we go to when we hurt...we also face our own mortality when the family seems to be getting smaller and smaller.


Before August 7, 2012, I had never faced a personal health crisis. But on that day, I took my first ride in an ambulance to the ER at Martha Jefferson Hospital. I was diagnosed with diverticulitis that had abscessed. God sent me the best surgeon ever, Dr. Andrew Bailey, and he explained the treatment options, with worse case scenario being major surgery and a colostomy. I was admitted to MJH and started on antibiotics. Two days later, after some different kind of pain, it was discovered that my bowel had perforated. I was rushed into the worst case scenario - major surgery and a colostomy.

There were so many God moments during the hospitalization, and over the next postings, I want to share with you how God showed up and showed off; today, I want to share my OR experience.

Everything happened so fast, but when I went into the operating room, I was completely calm, completely at peace. See, people were praying for me and with me. Prior to surgery, I had a phone call from my friend, Laverne, who prayed with me, a visit from my friend, Billie, who prayed with me, and my friend and colleague, Ruby, who not only prayed, but helped them roll me to the OR.

People were rushing around me, and I remember saying to God, "If I wake up in Heaven with You, that's ok. If I wake up upstairs with my family and friends, that's ok, too. I'm good either way". Complete peace. Then, in the midst of this chaos going on around me, someone walked over to me and took my hand. I didn't know if she was an angel, a nurse, a doctor or what. She had the kindest eyes, and even though she had on a surgical mask, I could see her smile. She said, "I'm here, and I'm going to be here with you through this." Again, complete peace. I remember looking up at a man standing next to me, then sleep.

It seemed almost immediately (although it was a few hours later) that I opened my eyes, and I saw a three headed woman standing over me. I joked and told my pastor that I had read in the Bible that some of the cheribim and seraphim have multiple faces, so I didn't know immediately if I was in Heaven or still at the hospital. But I blinked a few times, and she had one face, and she checked me and then sent me back to my room where my family and friends were waiting for me.

You know the cool thing? If I was in Heaven when I woke up, I still would have had a group of family and friends waiting for me...grandparents, Dad, and those who had recently gone on ahead of me.

The doctor in the ER told me that he couldn't believe that I was smiling and laughing as sick as I was. The 10 days in the hospital, people said, "You seem so happy...how can you be that happy being this sick?" One of my friends who was there when they took me to surgery said, "You just walked over to that gurney and got on, like a brave soldier."

I have one answer for that, friends...it's called Jesus Christ.

I can't say I wasn't scared. I feared many things that I might have had to endure and may still have to endure as I face more surgery. But I know that God is with me, and that either way, I'm going to be okay. My faith in Jesus will allow me to endure what I have to endure while here on this Earth, and my faith in Jesus will allow me to live for eternity with Him when I leave this Earth.

God gave me this verse during my recovery:

2 Corinthians 4: 16-18: Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward [man] is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding [and] eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen [are] temporary, but the things which are not seen [are] eternal.


So as the waves come, and I experience my "light afflictions", I will praise Him through it all.

God's got this. God's got me. And He's not gonna let me go.