Judging My Shoes

See this picture? This is a pair of K Swiss tennis shoes I bought in the spring of 2012 at Rugged Wearhouse for $20. I was still working and planning on working for a long while. This was way before I got sick, before Mom got sick, and before money became tight.

Now, when it comes to clothes and shoes, I could care less what I am wearing as long as I am covered up. And I can get a lot of wear out of what I do have. But the tennis shoes I had were getting pretty rough, and I figured this was a good deal, so I came home with these shoes.

I wore them a few times here and there, then I ended up in the hospital, Mom ended up sick. With not working, and having the wound in my stomach and a new colostomy, I dressed in sweats a lot, and I wore these tennis shoes more than I had before.

So, one day I was visiting someone and we were talking about how things can happen so quickly and how money gets tight fast when you’re not working, and gas money to drive to Charlottesville and back home (about an 82 mile round trip) everyday for Mom’s cancer treatments…and she looked at my feet and said, “Are those new shoes?”

I guess she thought I was “pleading hard times” (do y’all say that?) while spending money on new shoes.

Which made me stop and think.

How many times have I done the same thing?

How many times have I known someone who was having difficulties and judged their situation by what they were wearing, driving, eating, etc.?

How many times have I known someone who was on disability and saw them doing something and said, “If they can do that, they can work”?

How many times have I seen someone check out at the grocery store using an EBT card and thought, “I’m getting tired of my tax money paying for someone else’s groceries and I can’t afford my own”?

Now don’t get me wrong - I know that there are people who take advantage of government programs, and should be investigated. This includes Medicaid, Food Stamps, and disability.

But there are a group of people out there who don’t use assistance programs as a career. There are people out there who live from paycheck to paycheck, with a plan for every penny that they make…as long as nothing goes wrong. Their finances are a finely tuned machine that works as long as there aren’t any glitches. They work, they pay taxes, but sometimes the money doesn’t cover the bills.

They don’t live extravagantly, they just live.

And when unemployment comes, or illness invades their lives, or a spouse leaves them with unpaid bills…and many other scenarios, the bottom falls out. Financially and emotionally.

There are also people out there who are physically challenged to do things for themselves anymore - some do physical labor that they shouldn’t be doing. But why?

Over the next few posts, I want to share how I went from being one of those people who judged others, to being on the other side of the fence.

I want to share how I learned the difference between “church folks” and Christians.

And how sometimes money isn’t the greatest need in someone’s life.

Meanwhile, back to the shoes.

I still have these shoes. They are still in really good shape. They are good for my balance and my walking,  and they help my back a lot with their support. But I still hesitate to wear them because I know how people are.

I know how I am. I know the looks. I know the thoughts. I’ve looked that way. I’ve thought that way.

And now sometimes those looks and thoughts are being thrown in my direction.

But what the world doesn’t understand (and some Christians) is that you can’t judge a book by its cover. As Paul Harvey used to say, you have to know “the rest of the story”. But a lot of times we don’t care. We just judge.

So, more often than not, I put on my old Nike tennis shoes. They are old and worn out, have no support left in them, and the soles are just about detached from the bottom…sometimes they flop when I walk.

Some days, more often than not, I feel a lot like these old Nikes. Physically and spiritually. My body has gone through a lot the last couple of years, and I am still having issues that need to be addressed - I can’t do a lot of the things I used to do, and it gets frustrating at times.

Some days, I spiritually feel like these old Nikes. I feel like my soul is detached, and that no matter how hard I try, I just don’t get it.

But through it all, I trust Him who made me. I trust Him who died for me. I trust Him who saved me.

He has a purpose for this season in my life. And I am not ashamed to share the Jesus who is my Saviour, my Lord and my provider.

No matter what people say about my shoes or anything else in my life.

Because in this weakness, I am losing a lot of things.

I have lost my ability to financially provide for myself right now, and I have lost my health in certain areas.

I have lost friends who either don’t care or don’t care to take the time to care.

I have lost my pride. For this time in my life, I have had to accept help from people and places that have truly humbled me. Some of it has been financial. Some of it has been physical. And we will go into that later in this series.

And in this weakness, I am gaining even more.

Those friends who didn’t care or didn’t take time to care have been replaced with those who do care, and who do take time to care.

Help has come from God’s people in ways that I could never imagine.

But most of all, I continue to gain a dependence on Christ that I would not have had, had I not been made weak in all areas of my life.

Through the next few posts, we will explore some of these areas and I will share how God has used my experiences so far to change my perspective on a lot of things.

As I was recovering from my surgery, this verse appeared in my devotions one morning:

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4: 17-18

I consider the struggles of this life a light affliction. And I am looking forward to the things which are not seen, that are eternal.

Join me next time as we discuss the difference between “church folks” and Christians.